Monday, April 14, 2014


Rowan Pelling gives advice on what to do if you find out your partner is secretly not happy with your sex life. Pictured: Stock image

QUESTION: My husband and I met two years ago and I thought we had great relationship. But last weekend I was alone and discovered his diary. I was shocked to find he writes about our love life in detail and is sometimes critical of ‘dull’ sex. Should I confront him?

Answer: It’s hard to decide just  who’s the worst behaved here: your graceless man for writing about your sexual encounters or you for reading his private diary. 

You are quite old enough to know that no good ever comes of reading someone else’s journal and, indeed, that it’s a breach of trust. 
If you confront your man about the diary, he may never trust you again. I mean, where will your snooping end? How would you feel if he read your texts?  Let’s have some mutual honesty here. Has there never been one occasion when you   thought sex was a bit below par?

It’s unkind to commit such a thought to paper, perhaps, but examine your own conscience.
You need to ask yourself which couple has thrilling, adventurous sex every time they go to bed. 

Sometimes stress, tiredness or alcohol turns things into a damp squib. For that reason, I think it’s a blessing we can’t read our lover’s thoughts. 
Bear in mind you didn’t find any key relationship blunders in his diary. He didn’t write about flirting with other women or finding you unattractive. 
I can’t help wondering whether your man is guilty of anything more than painful honesty. And if that’s the case, can’t you turn this to your advantage? 
Why not simply say to your partner: ‘I’m worried we’ve got into a bit of a rut with our sex life. How can we make things more exciting?’ This should erase any ‘dull’ factor.

The final thing I’d say is that if you want stay sane and happy you must realise that having the last word is futile — and that reading the diary is a mistake.

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